Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
