i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Damn victory sex feels great
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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