i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish you could order shots online.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
