we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
