what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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