i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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