so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
