"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
ok first of all what the fuck
its liver damage thursday
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
