Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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