So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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