I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
