mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
