TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
