Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
