so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
