Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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