she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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