I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
