We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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