I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just had sex on a roof
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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