did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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