She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
