Screwed.edu
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
