i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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