90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
