I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm too high and old for this...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
