please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
