he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
