My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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