I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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