Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
