I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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