This is not my ceiling
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
