If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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