yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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