i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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