I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh god it's open bar.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
