I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
honey bunches of taint.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
