At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i will never coherently bang her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
