The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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