youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
