ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize