I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
