There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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