I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We need to get me chipped asap
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
