Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
