Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
