Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
