who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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