I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
