I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
