feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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