As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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