Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
