like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
