So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
