Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
