Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's shark week go big or go home
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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