I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
