Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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