My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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