do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
