Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
