i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
