she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
