I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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