just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
