in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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