dude i'm inner monologue high
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
